Monday, February 13, 2017

Hello, is it me you're looking for?

The Husband and I had gotten separated, so I was backtracking through the store to find him.

I pace the aisle looking up and down each row, and a store employee walking toward me can clearing see I'm searching for something.  As we pass, neither of us slowing, we have this exchange:

She: Are you finding everything okay today?
Me: Everything but my husband.
She: Well, good luck with that one.

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Daily Newspapers

He:  I'll probably sign up for the daily newspaper subscription again. I need it for work.


Me:  That's fine. I'll read it over breakfast instead of Facebook.

He:  You can read all the national news and get all worked up first thing in the morning.

Me:  I just want to understand all the Saturday Night Live jokes. 


Friday, February 03, 2017

Same song, new verse

Okay, I know I've written about this at least twice before,but now I've figured out what my *real* issue is.

I have a friend who comes to visit this area occasionally, but she doesn't come to visit ME.
She has done this numerous times, and she doesn't even tell me she's here. I have written how bunched my undies have gotten over it.

 I understand it's a free country and she can visit or not visit whoever she damn well pleases.
And Thumper is going to tell me how she goes to Anaheim and doesn't visit her niece, but it's nothing personal.

I've finally hit on why it upsets me:
Even though she doesn't tell me she's coming, and even though she doesn't plan to see me, SHE TAGS ME ON FACEBOOK ANYWAY.
What am I supposed to do with that?

"Hey, you busy?  Surprise!  I'm right over here!  See me?  Yeah?  Well, don't come over 'cause I'm having fun with these other friends that I drove 400 miles to see, not you. 'kay, this was fun!  Bye!"

You're right.
I need to stop... referring to her as my friend.

::adult Roses sits next to middle-school-aged Roses::

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Face to Face

I used to be someone people wanted to hang around with.  Always had a smile, always had something funny to say.

After 8 years in news talk radio during a hostile political climate, and after losing 3 immediate family members between 2010-2015, I now have "resting bitch face", and people (even close friends) are afraid to approach me.
I've seen my face. Candid photos of me are not pretty.

Babies still smile at me.
So that gives me hope.

Monday, January 30, 2017

Customer Service Funnies

At the end of a Live Chat with online support, the tech typed to me, "Is there anything else you need?"
I typed back, "I need more chocolate."
She replied, "So do I!"

***

The Husband and I go into an actual physical bank to do business almost every weekend. Very often we'll withdraw money while we're there.  Every time we do, the teller asks, "How would you like that?" meaning what denomination bills.
I always answer, "In chocolate, please."
And the response is ALWAYS, "Ha!  I *wish*!"

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Self-Cleaning Oven

We are discussing how long it'll take to self-clean the oven, and who will stay home to monitor the process.

He: I have a meeting this morning.  Will you be home for the next 5 hours?

Me: Where would I go without you, babe?

He: Crazy?

Me: Well sure, but I can do that at home.

Thursday, January 26, 2017

Secrets

Here's a question:

When you are keeping a secret for someone, does your obligation end when that person dies?
Once that person ceases to exist, is it okay to blab their secret to anyone?

How about this:
How about you keep keeping that secret because you're a still a living, decent human being?
That person's death is not the end of your decency. How about that?

Unless you're not a decent human being.  Then, by all means, blab your stupid face off.

(Still p!ssed over sh!t one aunt said about my mother after Mom died six years ago.)

Monday, January 23, 2017

Follow Along with the Class

The two students sitting in front of me were concerned about the textbooks they had purchased for our class since:
A) their textbooks didn't look the same as the book on the instructor's desk, and
B) the professor's online class notes for the first chapter didn't match the content of the textbooks that the students had bought.

I knew one of the students from a class we had together last semester, so I tapped him on the shoulder.

Me: You have the right book.  And no, the first couple of chapters don't match the notes.
He: Okay.  If Roses says we're good, I'll follow what Roses says.
Me: I also like to jump off cliffs.
He: Okay, I'm not cool with that.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Storage

He: Can we buy this container?

Me: It's kinda big and awkward.  What would we use it for?

He: We can put our fresh vegetables in it.

Me: We have a whole drawer in the fridge for fresh vegetables.

He: We can put celery in this one.  It'll keep it from getting all wilty. 

Me: Okay.

The box is completely empty, btw.

Monday, January 02, 2017

Goofy reasons for being awake at 2:45am

Because I woke from a dream about conspiracy theories that made it pretty clear my cat was in on something suspicious.