Monday, August 07, 2017

Two Word Movie Review - The Dark Tower

Here are your two words:

"Two Stories"

No, this doesn't refer to how tall the Dark Tower is.
These two words let you know that the movie, based on the Stephen King "Dark Tower / Gunslinger" books, is a completely separate story from the 7-book series.

Sure, you have Roland the Gunslinger, Walter the man in black, and Jake the boy from New York.  There's also one creepy ass house.
And yeah, there's a tower.
But there's little else in the movie that you will recognize from the books.

Beyond that, it's a pretty decent action flick.
If you want an action flick, you should go.  You'll like it.

Aside from that creepy ass house, very little of the movie has any "Stephen King"creep factor.
If you want to avoid Stephen King creepy, you should go.  You'll like it.
(However, there will very likely be a pre-movie trailer for "IT", and that has plenty of SK creepiness.  So, go get your popcorn during that trailer.)

However, if you've read the books and you want to see a totally awesome movie adaptation of the books, don't go.
You will be very disappointed.

It's a good movie, but it's not the story you might be expecting.

Read this author's movie critic credentials.
Read more Two Word Reviews.

Friday, August 04, 2017



I'm on the phone with a library... having a job interview right now.


I think it went very well.
They'll contact me by the end of next week to let me know if I get to advance to the next level or not.

Two Word Movie Review - Dunkirk

Here are your two words:

Three Stories

This movie is three stories blended together to illustrate what happened on the beach of Dunkirk, France during World War II.

I thought it was a good movie.
It was not the movie I thought I was going to see.
I thought the movie was going to be about the British civilians who sailed their personal seacraft to the beach and saved lives.
I mean, read the poster: "When 400,000 men couldn't get home, home came for them."
I was partly right, but I was mostly wrong.

Because only one third of this movie was about the brave civilians.
Another third of the movie was about fighter pilots.
And another third of it followed the soldiers on the beach.

Knowing that you are watching three separate stories will help you enjoy the movie more.  During the movie, you are shown the words "The Mole: One Week", "The Sea: One Day" and "The Air: One Hour".  Those words are meant to explain that you are watching one story about what happens over the course of one week on The Mole (the beach), a separate story about what happens on The Sea over the course of one day, and another story about what is happening in The Air over the course of just one hour.
(Maybe you are far smarter than I am, but I had no idea what those words were trying to tell me; I had my ah-ha! moment in the car on the way home afterwards.)

It's a good story.
All of them.

If you can't get to the theater before it's gone, rent it or buy it when it comes out on DVD/BluRay.

Read this author's movie critic credentials.
Read more Two Word Reviews.

Thursday, August 03, 2017

Simon('s Cat) & Garf(ield)unkel

(To the tune of "The Sounds of Silence")

Hello Kitty my old friend.
You've come to bother me again.
Into my bedroom you come
You always wake me when I am

"The food! in my cat dish is almost gone!"
::casual yawn::



Then silence.

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

The Husband's Mistress

Today's mail included a flyer from Jeep.
I handed the envelope to The Husband.

Me: Look.  Your girlfriend sent you a letter.
He:  The Jeep is not my girlfriend.  It's my buddy.
Me:  No.  The Jeep is your girlfriend.  You keep talking about taking its top off.

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Library, the Sequel

I had a good weekend.
The Husband drove up north to visit with his family today...

He asked, "Is it okay if I drive up to visit my sister on Sunday?"
As he followed up the question with, "You can come along," I was already replying, "Is it okay if I don't come?"
And there was a little awkward silence before we both burst out laughing. I had the house to myself for several hours.  I spent the time gathering materials to apply for another library public relations job.

I finished by the time The Husband returned.  I'm exhausted.

Just wanted to let you guys know I'm still out there swinging.  Send good vibes.

It's Monday, and I've already received a "we got your stuff" email from the library job I applied to yesterday.  Not even a full 24 hours have passed.
This is nice considering I've applied for six jobs so far this year, and only one other place gave me the courtesy of letting me know they received anything.
Really, it's not like they have to hire me or even grant me an interview; just let me know my stuff arrived, that's all.  It's common courtesy, not a commitment.

**Further update**
A few hours after the library acknowledged receipt of my materials, another place I'd applied to sent an almost identical email.
Not as impressed with the second note.  I'd sent in that application nearly a full month ago.  Makes me wonder how poorly run the organization is, and how frustrating it might be to work there.

Friday, July 21, 2017

Karma is the BOSS!

When I met him for lunch on Thursday, I told The Husband, "The only thing I don't like about my job is my boss."

Friday morning at 10 o'clock, my boss put in his two weeks' notice.

Who knew I had such power?

Friday, July 14, 2017

Menopause Aerobics

Ready, ladies?  Here we go!

One - two - Sweater - on
Three - four - Sweater - off


One - two - Sweater - on
Three - four - Sweater - off

Feel the burn!
( The hot flash, that is.)

Thursday, July 06, 2017

Because... reasons.

Growing up, my parents hosted many family get-togethers at our house.  Most of these gatherings were around Christmastime.  As the youngest of the family, my main responsibility was to arrange cookies on a plate and serve them to our guests.

This is why, if I invite you to my house, chances are refreshments will be as elaborate as a plate of cookies, and no more.
If a gathering requires more, I will not host it.

This is also why, even though you've invited me to many of your gatherings, I have never invited you to mine.
Because I never have any.
It's not that I'm mooching off your parties.  It's because I can't handle hosting one as good as yours.  You know, a "good" one, like one that has food.

Although, I probably *could* manage a cookie-swapping party.  Let me think about that one.


I had a friend who liked to talk smack about her in-laws.  One of her favorite smack stories was the one about the awful state of one female relative's kitchen.  At least one of the characteristics of the awful kitchen sounded a lot like one of the characteristics of my kitchen.

She probably really does have a female relative with an awful kitchen, but I always wondered if she wasn't really just trying to give me a hint without hurting my feelings.
You know, as in "this relative has ALL these awful kitchen issues, but you just have this one kitchen issue that you can fix easily enough."

This is why I stopped inviting that friend over.  I wondered what else there was about my house that wasn't up to her standards.


I wanted to have a special 50th birthday party.  I wanted to do something fun with a few friends.
For the reasons explained previously, I did not want to host this party at my house.  I wanted to treat my friends to some nice food, something nicer than a plate of cookies, but I did not want to stress about coordinating such a tremendous feat.  I also did not want to clean my house and my awful kitchen.
I just wanted to go somewhere, do something fun, eat some food, drink some beverage, then go home alone and judge-free to my messy house and awful kitchen.
I reserved a crafty activity at the neighborhood winery with snacks and beverages.  Someone else coordinated the craft and supplies, someone else coordinated the food being served, and someone else cleaned. 

Perfect!  Just what I wanted for my special 50th birthday party.  No stress, no mess.

I invited very few special friends. One of these special friends invited herself to spent the night at my house after the party.  She had planned to drink many adult beverages and didn't want to drive home after the party. 
Yes, I should have just told her no.  But she hadn't asked.  She just *did*.

This is why, for my special no stress, no mess 50th birthday party, I cleaned my house and awful kitchen and arranged both a supper and a breakfast for someone else.

This is also why I will not invite that special friend to any more parties.


The Husband and I wanted to celebrate our milestone wedding anniversary.  For the reasons explained previously, we both agreed we did NOT want to host this celebration at our house.
We just wanted to spend some time with friends, family, and co-workers and feed them food and beverages.  We did not want to stress about it in any way, shape or form.

We rented a venue, a very nice place with an outdoor balcony overlooking a garden.  We wrote a check to reserve it.

We informed our closest friends, asked them to save the date.  Most of them already had plans and regretfully declined.
This left family and co-workers.  All of our family lived so far away that in order to come, we'd have to let them stay at our house.  And clean it.  Or ask them to stay in a hotel, which seemed rude.
This left co-workers.  And it seemed really wrong to throw a nice party with a balcony overlooking a garden for a so few people.
So, The Husband and I started thinking about who *else* we could invite to fill out the place. 
"We *have* to have at least 60 people!  Who else?  Who else?"
Geez, we could invite that friend who'll probably want to spend the night, so we'll have to clean. 

And food.  What should we serve?  Which caterer should we hire?  How can we order food if we don't know how many people can come?

And oh my god, we should have a slideshow!  With wedding pictures!  Which photos do you want to have on the slideshow?  None of our wedding photos are digital, we'll have to get them transferred... What format does it have to be on for the hall to play them? 

Finally we realized our delightful, carefree party was becoming everything we didn't want it to be.
So we canceled it. 
Nope, no refunds.

This is why we spent several day's pay on a reception hall rental that we never used, and felt really good about it.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Squirrel Tale

In our neighborhood, there's a squirrel that is missing part of its tail.  Instead of a long arching appendage, it has a short fluffy nubbin.

I wonder what its story is.
Was it attacked by a predator?  Did it get stuck in a trap? How did it manage to escape?

How has the squirrel's life been impacted?  It seems to be able to do everything other squirrels can do, but it can't swish its tail in warning like other squirrels can. 

Speaking of other squirrels, what do the other squirrels think?  Is the short-tailed squirrel a hero or a fool?  Is it looked upon as a survivor or as handicapped?

And how does the squirrel itself feel now?  Is it more cautious and twitchy than before, testing and inspecting  each new thing for its potential dangers?  Or is the squirrel more bold and fearless knowing it has survived once and can be victorious again?

These are my thoughts as I sip my Sunday morning beverage gazing at my backyard.